Distractions and then hope

I haven't been ignoring the idea that I might not complete my PhD. I've been consumed by it and scared of it, so much so that I haven't bean ready to share it yet. Some unconscious damage control? Well, now it's out there. My head has been spinning with thoughts about my future : Teaching, first and foremost. Community college or high school? Trip to Thailand with my cousin? Should I move out of Laramie? I love living in Laramie, but it was never meant to be a long term prospect. Where should I get my teaching credential, if thats what I do? Could I still get in-state tuition at Cal State Long Beach? Teach for America? Do I need to wait tables in order to make ends meet this fall? Maybe swallowing my pride is the cost of going to Thailand for 6 weeks. I do want my PhD. I want to teach biology/ecology at the college or university level, but I just can't right now. I can't focus, the work doesn't self-motivate. I may regret this decision 10 years from now. But when that day comes I will try to remind myself that right now, this just isn't right. If the regret is deep enough, maybe I'll get my PhD then. But not now.

Hence the need for a little perspective. On to the next post and to reminding myself that 1) ending my graduate studies now does not mean I can't return to them later, 2) I've often thought about teaching high school, and 3) even with my PhD I've anticipated working at a community college. Maybe I'll start sooner than I expected.